GENERAL FRED: Have the doctors made any progress on finding an epiphenomenal cure?
SCIENTIST: They've tried every placebo in the book. No dice. Everything they do has an effect.
GENERAL FRED: Have you brought in a homeopath?
SCIENTIST: I tried, sir! I couldn't find any!
GENERAL FRED: Excellent. And the Taoists?
SCIENTIST: They refuse to do anything!
GENERAL FRED: Then we may yet be saved.
(Context: epiphenomenal zombies.)
Also, apparently Daniel Dennett teaches at Tufts, so I can walk over there when lecture season starts and find out why he gets to ride up on a white motorcycle.