Tuco Benedicto Pacífico Juan María Ramírez (en_ki) wrote,
Tuco Benedicto Pacífico Juan María Ramírez

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MOAR CREDENTIALS PLZ; or, the anticlimax

So I went out to UMB on my lunch break a couple days ago and picked up a degree. The saga:

1996-1998: took all the math and theoretical physics they had and then got bored and started looking for something to do

1998-1999: became grad student in CS because didn't feel like taking the low-end squishy courses; blew off all assignments because bored; completely failed to grasp this whole "when bored, go find interesting research problems and solve them" thing; crashed and burned

1999-2006: worked technical jobs and desultorily kept pushing the CS grad thing

2006-2007 (summer): Screwed around in grad math and finished/waived squishy courses. Every semester, when I tried to register for undergrad courses, they would say "fuck off, you're a grad student", and I'd have to come back and say "no, I've given up on the whole CS grad thing, I really and truly just want to get my BS" and they'd say "OK, fixed it now, give us a heap of money" and I'd give them a heap of money and take a class or two.

2007 (Fall): waived Freshman English, the last barrier to graduation. Went to submit application to graduate, discovered I was 2 days too late.

Tuesday: went in to do the "please make me an undergrad again, here's some money for fees for the current empty semester, can has application to graduate plz?" dance. Was told "uh, you graduated". Said "uh, [reiterate my situation]". Was told "no, seriously, you graduated in December. Go up to the Registrar." Somehow the Bursar managed to send my last couple tuition bills to wherever I happened to be living at the time, but the Registrar sent my diploma to [four addresses ago].

So I went up to the Registrar, laughed about it with the desk lady while she got yelled at for her casual FERPA violations ("let's see here... ah, there it is, [my name]" "DON'T SAY THAT" "well, we'll have to clear this library hold" "NO YOU DON'T, AND DON'T SAY THAT OUT LOUD" [etc]), and went back with she-who-has-a-drawer-full-of-returned-diploma-envelopes (and who was doing the yelling); where lo, there was my envelope, with Return To Sender scrawled on it and a BS in math inside.

So now I are a college graduate. I feel much smarter and more employable now. Where is my raise?

(Seriously, I am somewhat energized and motivated to unfuck my academic situation now. I need to be going to teh grad school, and I know this, but the whole "oh god I don't want to deal with school bureaucracy" thing combined with the whole "where does the rent come from again?" thing had previously sapped all practical get-things-done-ness from that particular ambition.)



Yes, the rent. And figuring out where to go. And getting in. Ugh. Need fresh GRE. (I can't possibly do better than I did last time, so I am sad it's expired.) Need(?) subject GRE. Need probably to take some more nondegree courses to get some people who remember having met me and that I can do math. Need research focus. Need way to pay the rent without being stressed to death and having all time eaten by shitty software.


Antidote, via a certain place: subsbreastution.

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