January 12th, 2009


A Winter Message For All Mankind

1. Minimalist shoveling is not neighborly. (Nor is shoveling out only your driveway and not the sidewalk a-tall. To each able-bodied person in the house up the street that does this every year: you are a terrible person and your lineage is attainted by wickedness. May you slip and bruise your arse so it hurts to sit for a month, and after that repent of your ways.)

2. Neither is allowing dictionary attacks on your web site. (That's why each site I use has its own long randomly generated password that I store under the protection of a long randomly generated password that I have memorized. And that's why the President-elect's Twitter was pwn3d and mine wasn't. Well, that and the fact that mine's not worth pwning. But still.)

3. IT'S ALIVE! (kinda)

4. If you find you are spinning your wheels:

- lay down some traction, Jackson;
- get yourself a tow, Joe;
- break out the shovel, Lovell;
- use the winch, wench;
- buy yourself a Jeep, creep;
- use the differential lock, you cock;
- step on the brake, Jake;
- ask for a push, George Walker Bush;
- wait for the thaw, maw;

but don't burn out the bearing, Schering. Your mechanic may thank you for the business, but the noise and smell annoy those around you.

Thank you for your kind attention,