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December 14th, 2008

(Scales linearly to fit your ingredients, mostly.) Set oven to 350 degF. Separate 12 eggs. Put the whites in the mixer on high. Shred 3/4 lb of gruyere.

Make a http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roux, starting with 3 cups of milk. To it, add yolks and gruyere and mix up good. Salt and pepper and other seasonings to whim. Meanwhile, fry up some onions.

(At this point, if you are me, you intend to add a bunch of paprika and a little nutmeg. Instead you add just a bunch of nutmeg, and you notice after it is cooked. It is still delish, but it does not satisfy the motivating craving, so you will have to do this again next week. I recommend just seasoning it the way you wanted the first time around.)

At this point the egg whites are stiff-peaked, or you fail. (Fail = you still do everything the same, but you pretend you intended to make a baked fritata all along. I never fail.) Fold in that sauce you just made and the onions and stick the mixture in adequately many casserole dishes in the oven (mine have a fill line; if yours don't, leave perhaps a finger's breadth from the top).

While all this is baking:

like half a stick of butter and some semi-sweet chocolate chips in a pan = reaction vessel
3 raw eggs + 3/4 c milk + 1 tsp salt + 1 tsp sugar = feedstock
10 slices of big crusty sliced bread = other feedstock

Soak the bread in the eggy stuff. Fry it up in the pan. Repeat, two or three slices at a time, in some appropriately pipelined fashion. If you don't like your French toast to resemble an omelet, squeegee the bread surface with your turning whatzit before putting it in the pan.

While all this is frying:

Take a withered old bell pepper you have lying around and begin frying it. Rapidly add some of the excess cheese (because duh, you bought a pound) and 3 eggs and scramble it up.

At roughly this point (around 35-40 minutes for me), the souffle is out and all this stuff goes out on the table. Ideally all your guests have major protein and fat deficiencies, because damn.

Serve with pinot grigio, pomegranate oolong tea, and gin and tonic; actual maple syrup; and that jar of wildflower honey that you've been working on for three or four years that is almost to the bottom and all crystalized. Hope you have several hungry friends. Then go out on the front porch and enjoy the aforementioned liquor and (for those so inclined) the fruits of Proposition 2.

Things That Go In Your Butt

Volume I, Beginner: Williams Sonoma Meat Tenderizer (via various LJ folks)
Volume II, Intermediate: Asom Broso Tequila (seen at SavMor Liquors Somerville)
Volume III... well, if it were in your butt, you'd know where it was.