April 27th, 2008


I only use GMail for the ads

You've Been Left Behind(.com) is an internet service that will send an email to your loved ones if you are taken up in the Rapture. For a mere $40 annual subscription, you will have the reassurance of knowing that you can send a note telling people about Jesús so that they will have one last chance to repent after you have been spirited bodily up to Heaven for having selected the correct faith in time.

One thing I'm not clear on is whether they have developed a Rapture detector (an extremely pious comatose person lying on a scale? or perhaps they use the pietoelectric effect?) or whether they have an atheist standing by in order to trigger the email, which seems like a fairly idolatrous faith in the power of contract law considering that the other party will presumably have vanished. I guess at $40/year you're not buying a lot in the way of redundancy, so if too many of the sysadmins, HVAC technicians, and power plant operators who keep the internet running also happen to be Christians of the correct flavor, even this service might not help your wicked heathen friends and relatives.

The internet allows people to look at other people's butts even when the people involved are not married, so it's probably best not to trust it for messages of such fundamental significance. If I were in the market for this sort of thing, I think I would hold out for the upcoming technological revolution that will be sparked by current promising research in Intelligent Design.